


Clueless

by esmeeeeme



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Inappropriate Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-19 21:10:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmeeeeme/pseuds/esmeeeeme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey Way lived a typical life and worked at Starbucks with his best friend, Frank Iero. Little did he know that both of their lives would change one morning when they are plunged into the underground world of secret agents, where saving lives is their first priority.<br/>Rated T for language and violence</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Typical Day at Starbucks

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> This is a repost and edited version of Clueless! It lived for a while on Fanfiction, but I took it down in fear of it getting reported. Over the summer, I lost my muse for RPF. 
> 
> But now, since I'm in high school with my crazy friends, their witty-ness and love for bands made my muse return for RPF. And Clueless.  
> And it's back with an entire universe! :D -okay not really- But yeah, it will eventually expand to incorporate other bands. 
> 
> But My Chemical Romance comes first. Always. 
> 
> If you already read Clueless, this has more detail in it than the other. Waaay more detail. The masterpost of the original is somewhere on my tumblr, but it's better to read this version. I got more editing done and yadda yadda.
> 
> No pairings. Sorry guys. 
> 
> This will have filler OCs. They will probably get killed off, knowing how I can be with some OCs I have. They play a tiny part in the story.
> 
> Well, I obviously don't own My Chemical Romance. Is that even possible? Nope? Okay.
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter One; Typical Day at Starbucks

* * *

 It was a cold Californian Wednesday when everything began.

The sunshine in the bitter cold wind shone across the Hollywood sign and began glowing in the big city of Los Angeles.

And into a small apartment complex minutes from Hollywood.

7:00 AM

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Shut up alarm clock,” muttered Mikey Way as he lazily tried to turn off his alarm clock on his bedside table. The alarm kept on beeping, sending off echoes in his apartment.

Beep, beep, beep.

“Shut up,” said Mikey a little more firm. He pulled the quilt over his head, trying to drone out the noise from his alarm clock. The alarm kept on beeping, trying to wake up his owner.

It obnoxiously got louder.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!

“MOTHERHUGGER, I SAID SHUT UP!” he exclaimed, smashing the alarm clock with his fist, effectively making it silent.

Once the silence was restored in the small apartment, the 21 year old bassist sighed contently and laid back down into his bed, trying to get the sleep he missed the night before. He had stayed up the previous night watching horror movies on the HBO channel. He started at 6PM and went to sleep at 3 AM.

He only got four hours of sleep, but damn it, the marathon was worth it. Quality great horror movies. Quality.

But there was a downside.

The marathon was on a Tuesday so now, as you can see, he had to work at the local Starbucks only after getting four hours of sleep.

With a groan, Mikey turned onto his side and pulled the quilt over his head, trying to get some sleep.

He liked working in Starbucks. Being the coffee lover he is, it was nice being surrounded by coffee machines. It was a relaxing job, with the different aromas in the air around him. But it obviously took a LOT of self control. But it was worth it in lunch break when he got to drink a free cup.

Missing a day won’t hurt me...

He only got about five minutes of some shut eye time and his phone rang.

“IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!” rang out the phone.

Mikey rolled over and saw the smiling caller ID picture.

Frank.

Mikey groaned and got his phone, squirting at the light emitting from the phone screen. He fumbled for a few seconds until he pressed call.

“Hello?” he asked, even though he knew who it was.

“Good morning sunshine!~” exclaimed Frank.

“What do you want, Frank?” asked Mikey bitterly. He didn’t like mornings and getting fully awakened by a custom dancing banana ring tone is most definitely not his favorite way to start off the day.

Well, take that back. It was actually getting a bucket of ice water poured on you. That is most definetly NOT his favorite way to be awaken.

“Someone isn’t a morning person,” said Frank.

“What do you want?” asked Mikey again. He wanted some sleep and Frank was impeding the bassist to get more shut eye time.

“Oh you know what I want…Money, video games, Harry Potter, chocolate…your blood.”

Mikey did a double take and stared at his phone for a second. “…Say what?” he asked.

“Hahaha, I’m just kidding ya lil nerd! I just wanted to say hi. Annnnnnnnnd, guess who’s car isn’t working?~” replied Frank.

Mikey groaned. He loved his job, mostly because of the coffee but he didn’t like the whole ‘wake up at 7 and go to work by 7:45’ part. His best friend since late elementary school,  
Frank Iero, worked with him too. They usually carpooled with to work, since they had the same shift and because Frank’s car always broke down at every possible moment.

And by every possible moment, it was all the time.

“Let me guess…Drifting?”

“Nope! This time, it’s a flat! And we do have the same shift and same schedule and happen to work at the same Starbucks sooooo~… Kinda catch my drift?”

“When are you gonna get here?” asked Mikey, sliding out of bed and putting on his glasses.

“I’m walking to your place right now, so I’ll be there in about five minutes…” Frank smirked.” Is that enough time for you to pretty up?” he snickered.

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Just because Gerard is a diva doesn’t mean I’m a diva,” he replied.

“C’mon Mikey, everyone knows you have that inner diva inside you,” joked Frank.

Mikey’s older brother, Gerard, had a reputation of being a ‘diva’. According to Frank, Gerard had the sass and diva-ness. He was currently living in Long Beach, since he wanted to concentrate on his job as a comic book writer.

“I’m not a diva Frank. Now, let me get ready, I don’t want to look like a slob,” said Mikey. He had already begun to pick out some clothes for work from his drawers.

“Okay, okay, Mr. Diva. I’ll see you in a few,” said Frank.

Mikey was about to argue until he heard Frank’s giggle of victory and hung up. He sighed and did his morning routine. Soon he made his way to his kitchen and made himself a bowl of cereal.

He didn’t know what was his life at the moment you could say. He used to work in Barnes and Noble. But once he moved from Long Beach to Los Angeles, he began working in Starbucks.

He considered going to college to at least get a Bachelor in whatever. He wanted to go for Literature, since he was a book geek. But with what money?

Being college-less wasn’t much of a bother. He liked living his normal life.

Deep in his thoughts, he began drinking some hot coffee quickly.

…Soon he was spitting out the hot coffee for it had burned his throat.

“Ack! That was stupid.”

After cleaning up the mess, he got the cup of coffee and let it cool as he waited for Frank.

He glanced at the clock. 7:20. Oh boy.

They had a specific system; Mikey would open his window and Frank would throw something. He had pretty good aim after all. He threw a small piece of wood. Well, it was one of the weird looking woodchips they put on trees.

Well, it wasn’t always a piece of wood. IIt used to be a rock. They decide to switch it because Frank once threw it and it nearly broke Mikey’s coffee table.

Mikey was halfway done with his cereal when he saw the piece of wood clatter across the  
floor.

“Yo Mikes! You ready?” asked Frank loudly from outside.

“Yeah, I’m coming down in a sec!” shouted Mikey from his window.

Mikey swallow the last bits of his cereal in a jiffy, finished his coffee quickly, (because it runs in the Way family) and grabbed his phone and car keys. He shut his window, locked his apartment and went down the complex’s stairs.

Frank wore some black jeans, [not skinny since he dubbed them as torture devices], and a Green Day t-shirt. He wore a black hoodie and some old converse.

“Dude, how many Anthrax shirts do you own?” asked Frank.

“About 5. How Green Day shirts do you own?” asked Mikey. He was wearing his usual Anthrax shirt with some jeans and converse. He wore his hoodie, beanie hat and glasses. It was his everyday outfit.

You may be asking, why are they dressed normally instead of not wearing the Starbucks collar shirts?

The Starbucks in Los Angeles, well the one he and Frank worked in, was pretty chill with the dress code. As long as they didn’t walk in shirtless and without pants, it was all okay. They had to wear their name tag and apron obviously.

“Like about three…So far,” he grinned.

Mikey had to agree with Frank on that one. He knew Frank was a big fan of Green Day, just as much as he was a fan of Anthrax.

“Ready for another day at Starbucks?” Frank asked.

“Yeah, let’s just hope Boss won’t yell at us for being late,” said Mikey.

“If he yells at us, we blame that new guy Steven,” Frank replied.

“Poor kid won’t make it in life with you there,” Mikey shook his head.

“Hey now Mikes, don’t feel bad for him. The band kids hate him, I hate him, therefore I count, everyone hates him. You think that Gerard in the mornings is bad? That new guy is rude, ten thousand times worse, every single day” explained Frank.

Mikey was about to argue but nodded. “Yeah, he is a pain,” he replied.

Gerard wasn’t rude in the morning. He was just....cranky. Then again, who isn’t?

Frank was right though. The new guy working at Starbucks was everyone’s pain in the ass. No one liked him. He was rude to everyone and apparently didn’t like his job.

Not to mention he always dissed band fans that always went to the coffee shop to hang out on Sundays.

The band fans, or the band kids like Frank called them, were a small group of high schoolers. Mikey and Frank liked having the band kids around. They reminded them a little bit about them. The band kids were friendly people and enjoyed the coffee and often had good discussions about bands with them.

It was nice being with the band kids and working in Starbucks.... Till Steven came around.

He would criticize their way of dressing, read negative reviews of notable albums out loud, talk smack about the bands, make fun of their songs, the whole negative nine yards.

And in Los Angeles, that is considered a major motherhugging taboo.

Frank though, always ended up telling Steven to go suck it. Or throwing used cups at him. Mikey would roll his eyes at Steven and told him he needed to grow up.

But the band fans understood them and always slid them an extra dollar in tips when the boss wasn’t looking. Secret alliance.

The two friends got in the car and made their way to Starbucks. They talked and listened to the radio.

“How’s Ray doing? I haven’t seen him since New Year’s,” said Mikey.

Ray Toro, a friend of Mikey, Frank and Gerard, was living in Long Beach also with his wife, Christa. They didn’t visit Los Angeles much and usually it was Frank who went to visit. When his car was working anyways.

“He’s doing great. I saw him a few weeks ago when I went to visit Gerard,” said Frank.

“That’s nice to hear,” said Mikey as he turned his car and parked it in front of Starbucks.

“Yeah, he says hi. Ready to face Boss’ wrath?” asked Frank.

Mikey sighed and took a look around the street where his job was at. The street was calm and tranquil, a bit strange for the busy Los Angeles air.

“Does this place look too quiet to you?” asked Mikey.

Frank took a look around.

“Well, now that you mention it, it is a bit too quiet” said Frank.

Mikey looked at the digital clock on his dash.

7:56 AM

“It’s because we’re late.” sighed Mikey.

“Yeah,” nodded Frank.

"Uggggggggggggghhhhhh," groaned Mikey, leaning on the steering wheel.

"It's not that bad," commented Frank with a shrug.

"Yeah it is," mumbled Mikey. "We're gonna get yelled at."

"Just move it Mikes." Frank shoved Mikey's shoulder lightly.

The duo got out of the car and walked into Starbucks.

“Morning,” greeted Mikey and Frank.

“WAY! IERO! GET YOUR BUTTS TO THE COUNTER!” yelled out their Boss.

Frank and Mikey winced at the sound of their boss’ yells. “We’re coming, sir…” they both muttered.

The two boys ignored the new guy’s snicker. “That what you two dubasses get for being late,” said Steven.

“Oh shut up Steven,” snapped Frank.

“Said the shorty” snapped back Steven.

Shorty.

Words of war.

Frank went from angry to completely livid. “Alright, that’s it!” he exclaimed. He pushed the sleeve from his hoodie up and began striding over to Steven. Mikey quickly got a hold of Frank.

“Frank, violence isn’t the answer,” said Mikey calmly.

“But it’s the question! And the answer is yes! I’m going to beat the shit out of this guy!” exclaimed Frank.

As you can see, Frank and Steven didn’t get along. Like, at all.

“Come on Frank,” muttered Mikey as he pulled Frank into the office.

“I still win this round Steven!” proclaimed Frank.

“In your dreams Iero!” yelled back Steven.

"WHY ARE YOU TWO LATE?!" shouted their Boss.

"Overslept." said Mikey.

"Car mishap." added Frank.

"Excuses!" shouted their boss.

"Boss, can you fire Steven?" asked Frank.

"He's on work on time."

Steven snickered loudly.

Frank flipped him off through the door.

Mikey sighed. "We're sorry for being late, sir."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," said their boss suddenly. "Just....don't let that happen again."

Their boss had anger management. But he was one of the nicest guys around.

Yeah, Los Angeles is weird.

"Fire them boss!" shouted Steven.

"Fire yourself!"

"That's not possible!"

"I said therefore it is!" proclaimed Frank.

"Nobody cares!"

Frank growled but clocked in. Mikey did the same, except for the growling, and got his name tag.

After getting yelled at by their boss, they both went to the counter.

“And let another boring day at Starbucks begin…” said Frank.

* * *

9:45 AM

Business was slow that morning, not many people came by. There was a client every now and then. In normal business days, they would serve up to twenty people or more in the first two hours. So far, they have only served four.

It was peaceful in the cafe. Some smooth jazz was playing in the background. Four college students were working on a project and chatting quietly. Mikey was reading an old magazine on the counter and Frank was doodling on some napkins. Steven had been working with the coffee machines for the past hour and a half in the back, so he wasn’t by the counter.

“Mikes, do you think Boss won’t catch me if I take a nap in the break room?” asked Frank.

“Frank, its bad enough we were late this morning. Taking a nap in the break room won’t help,” replied Mikey with a sigh.

“Come on Mikes, don’t be such a killjoy! I was watching that scary movie marathon on HBO last night, so cut me some slack.”

“I was watching that also, but I don’t take naps in the break room,” replied Mikey.

“That’s because you’re a coffee whore and coffee runs in your veins instead of blood,”

“I’m not a coffee whore. I just know where to not take naps,” replied Mikey.

“Why do they call it a break room when you can’t even take a nap there? It’s like calling a barbershop a hair salon and not being able to get a perm....”

Mikey didn’t look up from his magazine. “Frank, that made no sense at all.”

Frank was silent and realized what he had did make no sense at all. But of course, he wasn’t gonna let Mikey take the satisfaction. “…I still think you’re a coffee whore.”

Mikey pushed up his glasses. “That’s Gerard you’re talking about.”

“Nooo, Gee is a jacket slut. Big difference,” said Frank, a little attitude in his voice.

“Oh calm down there Mr. Iero,” said Mikey sarcastically.

“Calm yourself down Mr. Way,” replied Frank.

“…What the hell are we doing?” asked Mikey.

“I have no idea,” shrugged Frank.

“We are so bored.”

“Hell yeah we are,” scoffed Frank.

Ding!

The bell that hung over the door jingled, announcing the workers that they had another customer.

Mikey looked up and threw the magazine to the ground, since he wasn’t allowed to be reading while working.

“Hi, welcome to Starbucks. How can we help you?” Mikey greeted with the typical grin.

A lady in her early thirties wearing business clothes entered, holding a binder and the hand of a little girl. That was their typical customers, Mrs. Gomez and her daughter Karen, a famed child model known in the Los Angeles area.

“Oh! Hi Mrs. Gomez. Do you want the typical?” asked Mikey.

“Yes please,” replied Mrs. Gomez. “And a cookie for Karen also.”

“Ohhh Karennn,” Frank looked down at the two year old toddler. “What’s up, kid?” he grinned.

“Hi Frankie!~” Karen smiled up at Frank and waved.

“Rocking those heels I see,” Frank said.

Karen giggled and looked down at the small one inch white heels that she wore with her dress.

“Thank you!” she said.

Mrs. Gomez paid for her coffee and gave Karen a cookie. The mother and daughter hung out for a while at the cafe, since she didn’t have to go to until 10:30.

The cafe resumed it’s jazz filled peace.

Until a certain pair of customers came…

A man in his mid twenties who was arguing with a lady that walked into the cafe. They weren’t loud but they were obviously arguing. The lady was sighing and holding her head as the man ranted.

Now, Frank and Mikey were used to seeing couples argue. Somehow, the chocolate chip muffin had some magic to it, so the couple ended up sharing a muffin together about twenty minutes into the argument, so they dismissed it.

The pair sat down at a table, not bothering to order a coffee.

The college students that were doing their work began squirming uncomfortably in their seats as the argument got louder.

Finally about 18 minutes into the argument, a college student walked up to the counter and called for Mikey.

“Hey can you tell those two to keep it down? My friends and I are trying to finish a project for class,” said the college student.

“No problemo, we’ll tell them,” said Mikey.

“Thanks,” the college student went back to the table and resumed their project.

Mikey walked over to Frank and tapped his shoulder. “Dude, we should tell those two to quiet down,” he said.

Frank looked up from the doodled napkins at the pair who was still arguing. “They haven’t gone twenty minutes yet,” he said.

They both looked at the clock.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

“Okay, let’s go,” said Frank.

They stepped out behind the counter. “Excuse me, sir, ma’am, you’re making our customers uncomfortable, can you please keep it down?” asked Frank politely.

The pair kept on arguing, ignoring Frank.

“Could you please keep it down?” Mikey tried to get their attention but failed.

“Alright, listen, don’t make me get my sass on,”

While the two employees tried to convince the pair to quiet down, they didn’t notice another pair of customers enter the cafe.

Until they heard some gunshots.

Shouts of panic broke out in the cafe. The new customers wore black ski masks and had some shotguns. Mikey and Frank let out a yelp and began to run, only to be shoved roughly into the counter’s stools by the arguing pair.

The arguing pair soon held guns of their own and went over to the college students.

The college students, near the door, jumped in fear and ran, leaving their notebooks and textbooks behind.

“Get her!” the one of the man with ski masks ran to where Karen was sitting and with a swift move took the small toddler.

“No! Mommy!” Karen cried out for help.

“Let her go!” Mrs. Gomez jumped from her seat and ran to her daughter, only to be thrown against the wall by one of the masked men, effectively knocking her out..

Some gunshots had broken the glass windows and doors, no longer giving the cafe it’s classy appearance.

And in the midst of the disaster area, there was the Jersey duo.

Still not believing what the actual glob just happened.

Mikey and Frank were on the floor by the front counter, shaking in fear for they had seen it all go down in front of their very eyes.

“D-D-Did that just happen?” asked Frank, shakingly pointing his hand to the broken windows and the floor..

“Do you mean having five thugs just come in with guns into Starbucks and taking Karen?” asked Mikey, monotone and taking everything in.

Frank nodded. “Y-Y-Y-Yeah.” His breath was shaky and his heart was beating fast.

“Then yes.”  
….

“OH SWEET LORD OF THE RINGS, WE JUST WITNESSED A KIDNAPPING! WE’RE GONNA GET THROWN IN JAIL!” panicked Frank.

“We’re not gonna get thrown in jail Frank! Chill out!” said Mikey.

“They took an innocent little girl! I’m gonna dieeeee! WE’RE GONNA DIEEEEEEE!” cried Frank.

“Frank, you’re not gonna die!” exclaimed Mikey.

“I didn’t do anything to deserve this! I haven’t harmed anybody! Have mercy!” pleaded Frank.

“FOR THE LOVE OF GLOB, FRANK SHUT UP!!!”

A van pulled up quickly in front of the cafe as Mikey tried to calm down his best friend. Three people, a girl and two guys, ran into the cafe, armed with some AK-47.

“Mikey, what do we do?! THE STARBUCKS WE WORK IN JUST GOT MUGGED! WHAT DO WE DO?!” wailed Frank.

“I don’t know! I’m as confused as you are!” Mikey exclaimed.

The coffee shop was a mess. There was glass from the window strewn across the floor. Stools had been knocked down along with the college students's notebooks and textbooks.

“CALL THE COPS!” Frank shook Mikey by the shoulders.

“FRANK, LET GO OF ME!” Mikey shouted as he tried to pry off Frank’s hands.

“CALL THE FUCKING COPS!”

“WELL, LET ME FIND MY DAMN PHONE!

“You!” shouted the girl pointing to the boys.

“US?!” Mikey and Frank cried.

The trio pulled out a smoke bomb that was filled with sleeping gas and soon, the Jersey  
employees coughed and staggered and were knocked out.

“They’re out right?” asked the girl.

“Yep.”

“Good. Load them in the van.”


	2. We're in a van

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mikey, we’re in a van. Do you have any idea whatsoever of what that means?” asked Frank.
> 
> “…it means we’re in a van Frank. The answer is in the question,” replied Mikey nonchalantly.

 Chapter Two: We’re in a van

* * *

The armed trio got the knocked out Mikey and Frank and threw them into the back of the van. Literally. 

“Go, go go!” shouted the girl.

They slammed the doors and got in the front, putting the van in ignition and stepping on the pedal like their life depended on it.

Well, it didn’t really depended on it. You just got hyperbolized suckers. But they still stepped on it.

Soon, the busy city of Los Angeles along with the broken Starbucks was fading in the rearview mirror as they drove out into the desert.

After being a careful distance from the city, they reduced the speed and turned on their music. There wasn't any cops behind them, so why worry? For the heck of it, they put some Green Day, their hit concept album American Idiot to be precise.

But since Frank had Green Day sense, once he heard the first few words of American Idiot, he stirred and woke up with a groan. His head hurt like hell and it was times like this when he _seriously_ wanted to take a nap in the break room.

Frank rubbed his eyes and taking in his surroundings. He took a look around until he realized something; he wasn’t in the broken Starbucks anymore.

“What the hell......” Frank turned around a few times, making sure he wasn’t seeing things. Nope.

He was in the rear of a van, the floors bare and carpeted. The carpet was soft too... 

Hold up.

He didn’t own a van. Never did.

And neither did Mikey.

Speaking of the bassist…

“Mikey. Mikey, wake up,” Frank said to his best friend, who was snoring lightly and curled into a small little ball.

Sometimes, it reminded him of a tiny kitten. Small, adorable and peaceful.

But right now, adorable-ness was out of the question. Even for Mikey.

“Arrrrggh. Five more minutes Gee,” mumbled Mikey.

“Mikey,” Frank tried again.

“I don’t wanna go to work....” grumbled Mikey, covering his head with his arms.

“Mikey frigging Way, wake up” Frank smacked the back of his friend’s head.

Mikey yawned. “But Maaaaaa, I don’t wanna go to school,” he mumbled.

“Mikey, I ain’t your momma,” said Frank.

“Huh?” Mikey opened his eyes. “Oh crap! Sorry Frank. I had a moment.”

“Forget that! Take a good long look around....What do you see?” asked Frank.

Mikey looked around. “I see… some carpet, you, and a wall. Why?” asked Mikey.

Frank groaned and did a face palm. Mikey was a bit of a derp when he barely woke up. Then again, who wasn't? It takes a while to take in the situation after being knocked out by whatever the hell those guys threw.

But that still didn't give him an excuse for him to be so damn clueless.

“Where are we in?” asked Frank.

“How should I know?” asked Mikey, yawning.

Frank huffed and rubbed his temples. Out of all the most unobservant people in the world, he had to be with Mikey in a situation like this.

“Mikey, we’re in a van. Do you have any idea whatsoever of what that means?” asked Frank.

“…it means we’re in a van Frank. The answer is in the question,” replied Mikey nonchalantly.

“Sweet baby kermit... Mikey, we’re in a van! No, we're in a STRANGER's van! Don't you see?! We’re being freaking kidnapped!” exclaimed Frank.

By the time Frank had said kidnapped, Mikey had reverted to his normal self. “Kidnapped? What in the world makes you say that?” he asked with a frown.

“Don’t you see?! We’re in a van that’s gonna probably takes us out into the bay and ship us to a foreign country! And and and and then they’re gonna hold us for ransom and do who knows what with our homes and possessions! They might sell it on eBay! Or Amazon! Who’s gonna feed my dogs? And my ferret? Sparkie doesn’t deserve this!”

Oh boy.

Here comes the Pansy rant.

 OH GOD! PANSY! I CAN'T LEAVE MY BABY ALONE IN THE HOUSE!!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! Mikey, don’t you see? WE’RE GONNA DIE!!!” Frank began panicking, similar to the panic he had in at Starbucks.

Mikey blinked a few times and sighed. “Frank, we’re not getting kidnapped…” he said with a sigh.

Frank flailed and grabbed Mikey’s shoulders. “Then why the hell are we in a stranger’s van?!” he exclaimed. "Be my guest and explain why!"

“Maybe we fell asleep at a friend’s house and Gee sent a friend to get us home,” said Mikey calmly.

“Asleep?! Look! We’re both wearing our aprons!” Frank pointed to Mikey. Surely enough, they both had their Starbucks aprons and nametags on.

“Maybe we took a nap at Starbucks,” shrugged Mikey.

Frank raged and slapped the back of Mikey’s head. “Don’t you remember?! They took Karen!” he said, almost shouting.

Karen?

….

_It all made sense now._

“Wait, so you’re saying that people actually came into Starbucks and kidnapped Karen?” asked Mikey.

He had a twisted dream before he woke up. They were working in Starbucks, like they always did. Then some thugs came in and kidnapped Karen. Soon, some gas had been thrown at them and they were out like fire in water.

“Yes!”

“Oh my God, that wasn’t a dream,” Mikey’s face went pale.

“And now you finally fucking believe me! Geez!” Frank threw his hands up in the defeat.

“You know how I am when I wake up!” exclaimed Mikey.

“That doesn’t give you an excuse to act stupid!”

“Look who’s talking!” 

Awkward silence.

“........Rude,” hissed Frank.

“You know I love you.”

“I know, you have no other choice, coffee whore. Back to the problem,” Frank looked at Mikey dead in the eye. “Mikey, we are not in Starbucks anymore.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” scoffed Mikey sarcastically.

“Well?! Now what do we do?! You’re the smart one!” said Frank.

“I don’t know! I never thought I’d get kidnapped!” 

“Mikey, there is a reason why you’re the smart one.”

“Okay, well, what do we got?” asked Mikey.

“What do you mean ‘what do we got?’” asked Frank.

“Resources dumbass! Something that can help us!” said Mikey.

“Geesh, calm down you coffee whore! Let me check,” Frank dug into his pockets and began emptying its contents. “I have a rubber band, some gum, cigarettes, a lighter, a Jack Skellington wristband, some pieces of paper, a Coke lid, a green apple flavored Jolly Rancher….a feather?”

Mikey blinked a few times. “A feather?” he asked.

_[The author regrets nothing about the feather.]_

“The fuck goes on in my laundry....Moving on!” Frank tossed the feather aside. “I have a 7 Eleven receipt, a safety pin and….Oh thank God! My cell phone!” exclaimed Frank.

“YES!” exclaimed Mikey happily. “Call for help.”

“Give me a sec.....Aw dammit! No battery!” cursed Frank.

“Noooooo,” moaned Mikey.

“Well, I have nothing useful. What do you have?” asked Frank.

Mikey recomposed himself once again and began emptying his pockets. “Car keys, a book mark, a receipt from Barnes & Noble, a few paper clips…Yes! My phone!” Mikey pulled out his phone gleefully.

“Does it work?” asked Frank eagerly.

“Let’s see.”

Mikey touched the screen, hopeful.

No service.

His smile dropped.

“No service,” he said.

They both groaned and fell onto the carpeted floor of the van.

“Well, now what?” asked Frank.

Mikey shrugged. “I guess we wait.”

“Hell no! I ain’t gonna wait so we can get shipped across the ocean!” Frank shot up forward.

“Frank, we can’t do anything about this,” said Mikey.

“Yeah we can! I don’t want to be part of some Madagascar type shit! You know what we can do? We can kick our kidnapper’s ass!” Frank popped his knuckles.

“No, we aren’t going to kick anyone’s ass. We will negotiate calmly and ask them kindly what they want with us,” said Mikey.

“Mikes, this peaceful negotiating thing you’re thinking of doing might get us killed.”

“But fighting might kill us.”

Just then, the van froze to a stop, making both employees jump. They heard some shuffling of footsteps and some words being exchanged. 

“Oh shit.”

“Peaceful negotiations Frank. Peaceful.”

Soon, the back of the van opened.

The trio who had gotten them stood before them.

With some AK-47 and rope.

This is going to get really interesting…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you comment, Brendon Urie will appear and make you dinner.
> 
> C'mon.
> 
> You can't resist the Urie.
> 
> You just can't.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh that was fun to rewrite and re-edit. Threw in a couple references in there. Multi-fandomer. Oh yessss.
> 
> And the band kids will not return. They were just a small mention. It's my homage to my friends that have no idea how freaking inspiring they are.
> 
> Steven, idk. He's such a douche, even I hate him. And I created him! He won't return.
> 
> The next chapter will come soon. And quicker. And the Author's Notes will be much more shorter. But the chapter will be as long as this one, that's for sure.
> 
> Well, thanks for reading! Feedback is welcomed and loved and and and-you know the drill.


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